Montreal? Oui! Oui!

It's under my belt; my first academic conference. I've been to many professional conferences fo a variety or jobs (tobacco prevention/policy, college peer education, healthy communities/healthy youth, after school...), but I had never been to a fully academic, research driven conference. It was the answer to question that always came up for me at the professional conferences..."Where's the research driving this practice, policy, program, etc?" There was rarely original research or studies mentioned at the professional conferences. This past week answered the question for me. The research is at places like the biannual Society for Research in Child Development conference (SRCD), which interestingly left me asking the question "Where's the practical application of this? What's the value of the research?" It's odd to be straddling the line right now between program and research, but it's one that I enjoy.

Since my research focus is on adolescent relationships, most of my time was spent listening to recent research on the development of dating and romantic relationships for young people. When I looked at the program like the SRCD conference I had an overwhelming feeling that I didn't have an original thought in my head. Although authentic exploration of the development of adolescent dating relationships is only a decade old, not much has been done since 1999, although there is some. When proposing dissertation work the idea is to extend an old project, address a "gap in the literature," or apply a study to a new context. I was concerned that my research didn't meet any of these three areas. After sitting through many presentations concerning adolescent research I was reassured concerning the direction of my research. Although we know much about middle and late adolescent relationships (and sex, and alcohol use, and partner violence), we know little about the transition from same-sex friendships to early dating relationships, especially when considering the role of gender in these transitions.

As I face the completion of my comprehensive exams, I must start thinking about designing my study. The proposal comes next, followed by the proposal defense. It isn't until that point that I can begin my dissertation work and start collecting data, i.e. "the fun stuff."

It's exhausting work and unless you've been through it, you can't fully understand the demands of working on a dissertation. It's (as I've mentioned previously) a selfish project, because it requires it to be so. Every thought triggers an approach, a question, or a new research domain; the brain never turns off. There is guilt when writing doesn't happen. There is an ever-pressing need to keep moving to maintain the momentum that comes with all things Ph.D. I am busier now than I was when I was working full-time. And I like it.

I've always known that I would someday complete a doctorate, or rather I hoped that I would. I come from stock that doesn't necessarily "get" or value formal education. They've learned what they know from getting up early, working hard, using their hands, making resources stretch....and I respect that, but it's not my way. My thinking has gotten me into trouble more than once and I expect that it will continue to get me in some trouble along the way.

And so I've returned from Montreal exhausted, but recharged. I am reassured in my topic and question and know that what I am doing is important work. It might not be important to everyone in my life, but it's important to me. And that's what matters right now.